I remember when I graduated high school. It was so long ago. Seems like life has passed me by so quickly, even though it dragged on in the moment.
Sometimes I look back and think about when I left my parents house. I’ve lived a whole life since then. There was a lot of good things, and more bad things, that happened in my life in that time; all the experiences that came to me and left me just as quick.
I remember being at a job fair, at the end of high school, and looking for an art school. I wanted to create video games. There just wasn’t anything else I could see myself doing. I excelled as a writer and had great grades, but I was just so burnt out on the monotony of doing homework all the time. I thought to myself, “I could create video games and love what I do….and NOT have to do homework.”
My mother, who was in attendance with me, quickly shut that down when I told her I wanted to go to the Art Institute of Houston and why I wanted to go there. She didn’t make me feel bad about it intentionally, but the excuse that you couldn’t make money as an artist and that video games would never be big enough to succeed in life were enough to discourage me and keep towing the line.
Funny. I lived my life because of what I thought other people wanted from me. I was a constant “people pleaser”. In some ways I still am.
That moment stopped me from what I wanted to pursue and set a course for the next half of my life. I went from job to job, I moved out on my own, dated, got a dog, got married, lived a life in between that with highs and lows, and all of it came to a halt many years later.
In one year I lost my dog to cancer, my mom got two kinds of cancer, and my wife ended up leaving. There was a lot of reasons to quit life, but I kept going. I had a lot to face and I knew that running wasn’t going to solve any of my problems.
It’s a lesson my dad taught me early on. He had to drill it into me, but it eventually stuck and never left.
Some months after I had gotten back on my feet from all the news, I found out the place I was working at was going to be switching hands and the new owners were going to re-evaluate everything; including the employees pay rates. At the time I didn’t make much. I made enough to be ok, but it wasn’t steak dinners every night kind of money.
When I was offered a lower pay rate, I made the decision to leave. I couldn’t be ok with taking another hit and taking ANOTHER step backward. I had to stand on something, because all of the things happening were just taking their toll on me.
I had visited my mother and father that weekend and while I was sharing the news, my mom gave me an opportunity I will never forget.
She said, “Brad, what if you move back home?”
I didn’t really want to, but my lease WAS about to end anyway so it would be a good chance to get out of the rising costs of my apartment complex.
“I don’t know”, I replied.
She responded with, “What if you went back to school for the 3D stuff you like to do so much?”, she asked.
Aghast, I stood there contemplating. I said, “I don’t have any money to pay for school”.
She answered with, “You just come home. Your dad and I need help around the house with all the health things that are happening between the both of us and I can help you pay for school. All you will have to do is focus on your work.”
I almost couldn’t believe the words were coming out her mouth. It was a big ask for me to give up my independence. I had grown so fond of it over the years and no one wants to have to say they’re moving back home. In today’s economy sure it makes sense to save some money, but it’s the principle of giving up the one thing you enjoy without knowing you enjoy it.
After some discussion, we came to the conclusion that I would return to school and attend the 3D program at Lone Star College in Kingwood, Tx. I had done my research on schools in my area and that was the place everyone said to go for a robust experience. They were not wrong.
Suddenly, I had a chance to do something I wanted to do. Suddenly, I had the opportunity to dive in and give myself a chance at something better for myself. It wasn’t about what had happened in the years before, it wasn’t about what I was or might be going through in the future, it was about the journey in front of me that had yet to be carved out and, for once, I had the chance to do it right…and do it well.
I’m a returning student, I’ve lived a life, I’ve seen some things, done some things, and felt some things. This was all new in every single one of those areas.
The last two and a half years have been tough. Late nights, all nighters, back breaking sessions at my desk to carve out that perfect form on my models, endless hours of trying to understand how the hell an unwrap was supposed to be done for an abstract object, rendering and having a chance to lay down because my computer is old. My blood pressure raised to a point a doctor had to put me on medicine because of stress, which I later tamed and found better methods to live. I’ve had hard talks about a lot of relationships in my life because I spent so much time in my room working on projects and doing homework. A lot happened and the world sort of passed me by. I became so hyper fixated on my work, that nothing else mattered.
It wasn’t because I had to…it was because I became obsessed with the craft and the love of the reaction when people saw what I had accomplished. I loved how it made me feel to know that I had beaten the odds of so much in my life to be in the place where I was and each piece spoke out the words I couldn’t form about how free I felt.
I was told that none of my school pieces would be a portfolio piece. There’s a lot that aren’t, but I had four really good looking pieces that I could put at the top of my list.
Those four are in the art show. They show all of those things I just described. I’m a student and I work hard. I carry a 3.8 GPA, I’ve made the deans list every semester I’ve attended, and I’m going to be a Phi Theta Kappa Honors graduate. I’ve produced things that I thought I’d never be able to do or wanted to quit because I didn’t think I could.
I’ve proven myself wrong so many times throughout these years at school…I’ve overcome so many challenges in and out of school…and the people I love are still with me; including my mom who beat TWO kinds of cancer! and my dad who is now going through Alzheimer’s.
And through it all…I’m just so happy to be alive…and I’m so proud of myself for not giving up and doing the things I needed to do when the time called for it.
To think if it hadn’t been for all that bad, I never would’ve gotten here.
That’s fascinating!
